My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize