Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
