and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Actions speak louder than pants.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
