It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
