I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
