if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
