and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
