some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
