From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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