I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
