He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
