i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
jump out the window naked night went bad
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
