Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
