I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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