Kiss
Puke
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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