Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
