Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
