You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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