Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
