so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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