just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
