i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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