why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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