On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
