so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
