That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
