very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
