One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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