The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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