I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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