I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
