I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
