Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i believe in u and ur pee
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
