my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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