can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
