So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Shame is for Republicans.
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