Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
