shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
