question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
