Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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