i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
