Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
