Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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