when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
