I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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