if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
