just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she smelled like a LAN party
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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