Non-Jews are for practice
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
