I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
