I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
