I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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