Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
