my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
now i know why i became what i already was.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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