she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Four minutes until I can fart!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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