This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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