Well douche your snatch and let's go!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
