i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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