Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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