I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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